Mothering in Later Life: Difficult Adult Children with Judith R. Smith, LCSW, PhD

Mothers whose later years have been turned upside down by the unexpected challenges of later life parenting, are often immobilized, not knowing whose needs should take priority - “mine or my adult child’s”? In addition, they often are confused and do not know how to respond to their son or daughter’s often abusive or disrespectful behavior.

In this 4-session course, therapists will learn how to understand and support parents with “difficult adult children”. Based on her research, Dr. Smith developed an understanding of the internal experience of these mothers, who in later life must parent children with serious mental Illness and/or substance use disorders. When an adult child is unable to support themselves, refuses medication or treatment, and returns home for shelter, difficult mothering begins.

This course will help therapists move away from mother-blaming (“She’s so enmeshed”) to a deeper understanding of the conflicts that mothers of seriously challenged adult children face. The course will include interactive exercises and case vignettes. Greater understanding of older mothers’ feelings of shame, blame, guilt, grief, as well as ambivalence will enhance your skills as a clinician.

The course is taught on Thursdays, 7:00-8:30pm starting Nov 2, 9, 16, 30th.

Learning Objectives

I. Participants will become knowledgeable about the internal conflicts of older mothers whose “difficult” adult children have SMI and/or substance use behavior and are often aggressive and/or abusive towards their own mothers.

II. Participants will learn about applying motivational interviewing to help parents consider the pros and cons of making changes in their situation with their challenging and dependent adult children.

III. Participants will consider the impact of macro forces on mothers’ feelings of powerlessness: inadequate mental health and substance use treatment system; no affordable housing, and the belief in the internalized mandate to be a “good mother”. We will review the available resources for helping parents to stay safe, government benefits they can access for their adult children, and strategies for supporting the clients’ need for social support.

Dr. Judith R. Smith, LCSW, PhD, is a clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and associate professor emerita. Her area of specialization is the mother/child relationship. Most recently, she shifted her research lens away from parenting in the first three years of life to understanding older mothers and their “difficult” adult children. This research has been published widely in professional journals, and most recently in a book for clinicians and a general audience, entitled Difficult: Mothering Challenging Adult Children through Conflict and Change, Rowman & Littlefield, 2022. As a tenured professor for over 25 years at Fordham University Graduate School of Social Service, she taught and developed courses on human development, aging, and advanced clinical practice. Currently, she works with clients individually and facilitates support groups for older mothers with adult children who have serious mental illness, substance use disorder, and/or involvement with the criminal justice system.